Desperately Reaching In The Dark
by logamlernan
Summary: Stiles is threatened to leave Derek.


Stiles wasn't sure where to start. Or how to breathe. Or how to speak. Or how to move. Or how to hold back the tears. His fingers were trembling as he went over his speech over and over in his mind. He didn't want this. He didn't want this at all but he had no choice.

He bit down hard on his bottom lip as he looked up; his lover standing over him, concern plastered all over his features. But Stiles couldn't speak. He just stayed say in his chair, hugging his knees and looking up at the older man. He knew this was better for everyone— and that's not even an exaggeration. It would be better for everyone.

Stiles lived the moment over and over in his head. He had been in his room, carelessly googling things like 'how many cats would it take to fill a whole jeep' even though he was meant to be doing his chemistry homework. He'd heard a creak behind him and swung around on his chair grinning, expecting it to be Derek. But it wasn't Derek. It wasn't Derek at all. It was 3 people. 3 mean looking people that Stiles didn't want to mess with. Halfway through choking out a 'What do you want,' he was cut off by being slammed against the wall, a tight grip squeezing his throat. They had told him he had to leave Derek. Break his heart. Break his trust. Or they'd maul not only Derek but Stiles' father too. He thought maybe they were joking for a moment but the seriousness became evident as claws dug into his neck, hard enough to break skin but not deep enough to draw blood, and he'd agreed to it, the trio fleeting his room after so.

And now here he was, looking up to the love of his life, preparing to break his heart and attempt to never see him again. It hurt so bad to do this. He opened his mouth to speak but only choked on air as thoughts of how when Derek told Stiles that he loved him for the first time, or how when he said he's never trusted anyone, but he trusts Stiles so easily. God damn it brain, shut up! He thought. Clearing his throat but not his mind, he stood up, instantly pressing his palms to Derek's chest for support.

"Derek, we need to talk.." He murmured, his voice already sounding weak. Oh god, how is he going to do this.

"Mm? What is it?" Derek mumbled softly, his arms snaking around Stiles' waist. He could sense something was wrong but he knew he didn't have to ask, Stiles would tell him.

"I think we.. We have to.." The tears began to swell in his eyes as he swallowed hard.

"Don't." Derek said firmly, his heartbeat picking up like crazy.

"I have to," Stiles said quietly, looking down as strings of tears ran down his porcelain cheeks.

"No, I know where this is going, you don't have to, and you're not going to, because I trust you!" He said between gritted teeth, tightening his arms around the younger boy's body. He didn't want to let him go.

"You don't understand, Derek, I have to!" He almost yelled, breaking into a full on sob. His chest felt as though it was being ripped open from the inside out. His bones breaking and his heart sinking. This was all too much.

"Why do you have to!?" Derek shouted, his blunt fingertips digging into Stiles' lower back, pursing his lips together. His own eyes were starting to grow watery. He didn't attempt to blink it away but he refused to let it slip from his eyes.

"I just do," he sobbed, nuzzling his tear drenched face into the crook of the other's neck, his lips trembling and his body shaking. He'd never been in so much emotional pain before, he literally felt like he was being pulled apart at the seems. He wishes he could just tell Derek why he had to, but the trio had told him not to, or they'd kill Derek and his father anyway. "I can't explain Derek and I'm sorry!" He choked, gasping for air as he tried to pull out of Derek's tight grip, but Derek was having none of that.

"I'm not letting go of you," he growled "I'm never letting go Stiles."

"That's what she said in titanic.." He said awkwardly, trying to lighten the situation slightly, but only sobbed more when it didn't work and Derek tightened his grip. "Please let me go." He whispered, looking Derek straight in the eye. He was on the verge of tears— something Stiles had never seen before.

Derek loosened his grip, slowly, until his hands were only ghosting over the boy. "Please just tell me why," he croaked quietly, watching as Stiles stood back, further and further with each step.

"I'm so sorry, I.. I can't. I love you so much Derek. I'll miss you so much. I'm so sorry." His voice was shaky, barely a whisper but he knew Derek could hear. He blinked away tears as he turned his back to the dark haired man and got in his jeep, slamming his head against the steering wheel and sobbing for what felt like hours but was only minutes. He felt heavy and weighed down, every inch, inside and out of his body was throbbing with pain and he wanted nothing more than to dive into Derek's arms, breathe him in, kiss him, be held by him, but he couldn't do that. Instead, he put his car in ignition and drove away as fast as he could.

Derek watched him leave, he felt every bone in his body shaking beneath his skin as he held back a pained scream. He felt like going crazy, breaking things, throwing things, screaming, crying even. And Derek never cried. This would be a first in so long. But he just couldn't help himself. It was all too much to take.

'I'll miss you,' on repeat in each of their heads, god, this hurt so much.


End file.
